the end of day 1

so here we are at the end of day 1! i must say the first half of the day went fairly easily. i did feel the need to pray through a physical reaction happening in my body that stirred up a physical memory imprint of what it was like when i was anorexic. mind u i would not be doing this fast if i had not gone thru deliverance that freed me from any tendency to want to go back to the disorder. i truly believe that it was a spiritual battle that the Lord gave grace to overcome. eating disorders start out as a control issue and since i have relinquished all control in my life over to God, everything is different. the person with a disorder controls one of the only, if not the only thing they can in their life. my disorder lasted 5 years, and has been over for more than a decade. i also have immense trust in my group of friends that if they ever saw reason to worry, that they would step in.

needless to say...i am a little hungry! it is one thing to go thru a fast and just avoid food altogether. it is completely different when u have to prepare food for other people while abstaining from it yourself. it's amazing how tempting one little pea can be!! actually, the temptation was not strong today at all. it was more of a training my brain to remember what i am doing and why.

today i learned a lot about God's compassion for us, and His desire to heal our wounds. in the original text, the word for compassion meant that there was a strong physical reaction from the stomach that moved with emotion toward the person(s). so when it said that Jesus saw the multitude and had compassion for them, He really was moved to a severe extent towards them. He is still that way with us. His compassion for us and who and where we are, exceeds anything we could imagine it to be. many people suffer under addictions, rejection, abadonement and God wants us to see and feel His freedom, acceptance, and presence. He is willing to do whatever it takes for us to receive that if we let Him.

look at how much of society is the way it is because of rejection. so many things come into our lives as a way of masking the pain of rejection. addictions and eating disorders definitely fall into that category at times. we all want desperately for that complete acceptance and validation. we look for it anywhere we can get it, until the day we realize the only place we really can get it is from God. then the true healing begins.

it even speaks of how in the end days the hearts of the fathers will be turned back towards their children and the children's to their fathers. that seems so far from where we are today, but we can rest assured that that day will come. the Lord will bring that to pass in the end days. how much more can we be released from now if we would work toward that end sooner rather than later. for if our identity truly is in Christ, then wouldn't our actions in this area be more Christlike in the healing and reconciliation that could occur. wouldn't it become easier for us to understand and step into our sonship having a better understanding of what it means to be a son of God.

if God says we are loved, accepted, and worth the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross...who are we to argue or negate the works of the cross by saying or living otherwise.