let's dance

take a breath my little girl. climb up on Daddy's feet. I made this day for you. I crafted things for you to feel. I orchestrated a symphony of sounds to ring in your ears. I moved your heart to pound. I allowed emotion to build only to fall from your eyes. I allowed you to see the depth of an ocean you might have missed had I left you alone so many years ago. now you are here. now I am here with you. never will I leave your side. my life I have given for you and I dance with you as you give yours back to Me.

you have not gone limp. you have not lost your frame. you have found it and your stance with Me. your strength has been found in allowing Me to lead you across this dance floor of life. listening to the notes that My heart strings play. following the sound of the crystal stream I have filled you with. I am captivated by you and what you are becoming with Me. when you throw your head back and release it all to Me I see the different kind of life I meant for you to have. this is no ordinary dance. just let go and let Me lead you.

~Lord, Holy Spirit come, fall on me, lead me. I long dance with You forever. I never want to leave Your presence. You are all I need. Open my eyes to see where to step next. I run to You Father. Fill me with Your love until all I can do is be moved by Your Spirit. I long to know Your desires and to live the life You wish me to have. Fill the air I breathe. Free me to dance the steps You have laid out for me. Thank you for the dance Lord.

This is His cry.

For as we enter the twenty first century, there is a cry that would ring out from Jesus Christ of Nazareth, as He who neither slumbers, nor sleeps, walks even today through the streets of London, Rome, New York, Beirut, Los Angeles, Dehli, His cheeks wet with tears for a lost and fatherless generation neither cognizant of His presence nor caring.

For He is still the One who walks, His hands outstretched to the meek and the lowly.

Still He walks, listening out for the cry of the human heart. For where the world has drowned out your cry in it's obsessive grasping for success and power and sway, it is to you He comes.

Oh and how long has He sought you, beloved? How many nights has He stood listening, silently waiting in the shadows unseen by you and those that surround you?

For it was He who wept as He heard your soundless scream in the midnight hour. It was He who watched as you tried in your brokeness to marshall together the fragments of your shattered heart.

And so most beloved of His children, now He comes closer, the fairest of ten thousand. And as He walks out from behind the shadows and you lift up your tear-stained face to Him, half blinded by the radiance from that most beautiful of countenances, He reaches out His hand to you.

He reaches out His hand to touch your face and His touch lingers on your cheek as He brushes away the tears that flow. And He smiles that most wondrous of smiles.

"You?" you mouth soundlessly.

And you hear His tender whisper: I have sought you all your life. Through all the pain, through the loneliness, I have sought you. Each time your heart broke soundlessly with the agony of not belonging, I sought you. I was there, loving you. Reaching out to you. It was Me all along.

And as your eyelids gently close as you are engulfed in His tender embrace and the tears fall, somewhere through the sands of time in the netherland betwixt sleeping and waking, you recognize that familiar presence and you too know that He was there. It was He all along.

An unknown prophet. It was Him all along. It will be Him all along. Wherever we are. Whatever circumstance would come down our path. His presence and His heart is with us. Breathe in the life and love of the Father. Feel His presence. Put your hand to your cheek and know the countless tears He has caught. He is reaching out to your heart. He is forming your life into His masterpiece.

I am your clay, mold me Father. Let not another day pass without Your direction being my complete focus. I give you my life, my heart, and my soul. It is all for You.

Return to Love

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I
to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Written by Marianne Williamson and is an excerpt from her book, "A Return to Love"

this was in the movie akeelah and the bee that i took samantha to see today. i was quite moved by this movie today. it was definitely worth seeing.

promise land

i was sitting outside listening as the thunder is rolling in. rain was falling, but not from the sky. it seems like there have been so many storms lately. at times it is all we can do to stand in a storm. to get to our feet and stand before Our Father and say what would u have me to do now Father. we get so lost sometimes in the promises He has made us, and the future we know we have in Him, that we loose sight of what needs tending to right in front of us. We pass time, "helping others" or doing "important" things for people or ourselves. we convince ourselves that these things are good and right to do. the we are being "Christian" brothers and sisters by doing things that truely can be just self serving, self medicating, band aids for what we are really going through, or what the Lord would have us experiencing. we are merely waiting for time to pass to get to that promised land.

sometimes we feel like moses tho. we are like the israelites who lost their way completely admist themselves. they took their eyes off of God and placed them onto themselves. they became self focused and self gratifying. they didn't want to wait for God's timing to reach the promise land. they wanted it in their own time.

it is so hard today to not have the same mentality. we want things when we want them. from our fast food, to our dvds by mail. we want everything on our time schedule. i often joke that the only true four letter word in the Bible is the word wait. it is the hardest for us to hear sometimes. we want to know all the details so we can plan accordingly. but if we had the plans before us, we would miss out on so much. the truth is, the journey really is the destination. the promise land will come in His timing. no word He has spoken is untrue. all will come to fruition at some point. as for now, i pray for grace and patience.

one day i will see my promised land. i will not only see it, but i will live there as well. i long for the day that the Lord blesses me with that scenery for my life. i long for the days when these storms have passed and i am looking up at the bluest of skies. i pray for the ability to let go of any idea or thought in my head of what my promise land looked like. that i will resign everything in me to my Father. that i will sit and weather thru any storm on the rock. that i will not falter, be blown by the winds or tides coming my way.

as i sit here as the rain falls, i will choose to wait for Him.

words emptied

i just got off the phone with a friend who is experiencing such heartache. she has been told, and promised things for months, only to be told now that none of what was promised will happen. she is devestated. she put her trust in others, not only to do what was right, but what was Biblical. she has invested her time and money into the future she thought she was stepping into. she is now in so much pain. she feels lied to. mistreated. neglected. betrayed. abandonned. she doesn't understand how they could do this to her as well as her child. after everything they said. after everything they have told her for months. everything in her life had been orchestrated toward what she thought would be a certain outcome. she never imagined they would let her down. she never thought she would be tossed aside so easily.

i can relate.

it's hard when we think we can trust others completely. even with our weaknesses. we believe in others, and their words to us so much that we alter our lives with that promised dream as the destination. when promises are broken, and words spoken turn out to be just moments emptied in time, our hearts ache. not only for what was promised, but for the trust extended. life then seems like a fish trying to breathe out of water, gasping but oxygen and energy are nowhere to be found.

my friend's timing could not have been more perfect. or could i say that it was the Lord's timing. He brought this situation to me, within minutes of discovering that words promised to me...were emptied. i was so livid, and hurt at the same time. "how could i have been so wrong?" keeps running thru my head. to have something so specific promised to you, that it would never happen...or even something that would happen...turn out to be untrue. the let down is so much greater than what might appear miniscule in fact of happening. when someone tells u that they will do something, as in the case of my friend, and she based her whole life around this promised outcome, job, living situation, child care arrangements, Church and school, only to have it ripped away two weeks prior seems horrible. as for my situation, when someone tells u something that they won't do, and then does it, how can u trust anything else that is said. anything else that was promised. why would someone do something so intentional to make someone they care about hurt?

i do know that the Lord is Soverign and will use situations like these to show us the way. to show us what His plan and provision for us will be. it may not always be in the fashion that we would like, or timing we would like, but it will always be what is best for us. for now, i am gasping for oxygen and for understanding.

if you would just let Your words fall out

Surrounded by voices
there all in my head
Should I hold onto love
Or follow you instead
After all that You've done for me
How could I let You down
Heard You calling my name
Didn't even turn around

~Bridge~

Now I am wiping the tears from my eyes
Wish I could say that walking away was easy
Making the choice to say goodbye
Making the choice to be set free

~Chorus~

I am saying bye bye
I am saying bye bye
I am saying bye bye
I am saying Good-bye bye bye

Deep down inside of me
I know the Truth
there's no happy ending unless written by You
So I am putting the past behind me
Getting back in my place
Falling down on my knees
And seekig Your face

~Bridge~

And I am wiping the tears from my eyes
No one can say they lived life perfectly
But you have got to make the choice to say goodbye
Making the choice to be set free

~Vamp~

And I am saying goodbye to anything
Standing in the way of You and me
Lord I want to live holy
I want to live right
I want to be got to be pleasing in Your sight.

~Chorus~

~sureldie williams www.surelsoul.com goodbye love

i came across this song today and it reminded me of another song lyric: "walking away would be easy if you would just let your words fall out." while this song above doesn't exactly apply to where I am right now, it struck a chord with me. how easy it should be to walk away from things, even love, if it sets us free. if it is what God wants, how easy it should be. we know His plan for us is so much better. this song, coupled with the lyric from the other song made me think how easy it should be to walk away if we would just let God's words fall out. if we would just allow Him complete control at all times. never letting emotion, desire, or anything else to cause us even a moments hesitation about doing what He wants us to do.

another bull's-eye

so there i was, at another stop light...a sitting target!
down goes the window of the pimped out cadillac next to me.

"what's your name pretty girl?"

reply: "I'm taken."

"you married?"

reply: "no, I belong to God."

after a quizzical look, the light turned green and i left the situation behind. i am convinced that due to recent events in my life, i am a little more sensitive to this issue than normal. and any of u who know me, know i am usually already sensitive to this issue. while most men mean this to be a compliment, to a Christian woman who wants to be wanted and seen for more than her body...it can be more negative than positive. it can be confusing for some women when they want to be what God wants them to be and still try to be what they think others and society want them to be as well. although i am convinced that the two of those should be one and the same. others, especially Christians should see us the way God sees us first and foremost. they should protect that creation made in God's image. even from ourselves if need be or our warped version of what we should be like. the problem lies in that our culture, our society does not lean us in the right direction. it encourages instant gratification, it's all about how someone or something looks, easy come easy go, 24 hour entertainment at your fingertips, replacement of people when they are of no longer the make and model u want, and a complete disregard for consequences for our actions. our kids are being raised in the here and now, with no thought of future consequences or benefits. they are taught that if u see something u like, go get it. with no forethought of what the outcome may or may not be. men and women chase after whatever is right in front of them. thinking that each one that comes along might be "the one." they don't seem to take the time to even really find out what it is that they should or shouldn't be looking for. as for me...i will be the first to say i am not an easy one to get. i will find the toughest situation to be in, and watch the person's integrity in that situation. some would say that is setting myself up for failure. some may say it is the shoot yourself in the foot syndrome, because no one can pass every test. i don't expect perfection but, i believe a person's integrity can be seen in any given situation where there might be concern. and if their integrity isn't what it should be, than there is an area that the Lord wants to work in. i believe that if we know the area we need the most in, the one that we have been hurt the most in, the area that has caused us so much pain, the area that we have had to go through the most healing with the Lord in, and we take that situation and expose ourselves to others...that their actions in those moments can show us so much. for me it takes an enormous amount of trust or desire to trust just to place myself in that situation though, to even see what the end result would be. please don't misunderstand me. i am flawed. i will fail many tests myself i am sure. i am forgiving of so much. almost to a fault at times. in some areas though, i can forgive...but i can accept the revelation that comes from the situation revealing whether there is a future or not that is safe for me in that friendship. whether the one area that has hurt me the most, will be protected and treated in a godly manner.

in the past i have questioned whether i had suffered from the shoot yourself in the foot syndrome or not...but then i realized, all i was at those times, was the target. the target leaving herself open to see what would happen.

i'm tired of being a shot.

today was a day

so today was my sister's birthday! we got up, went to Church, went to Hellas for some amazing food with the whole family and then went to the goodwill superstore! while shopping i noticed this peculiar man in an orange shirt who appeared to follow samantha and i from one section to another. i decided to do some evasive maneuvurs to see if he really was following me...he was. i went as far as to the opposite side of the store where all the girly stuff was, and he followed. so i decided to get the keys from my sis and go to the car. she gave dude the evil eye, and he would not look up again. i promptly left the building, and not even 60 seconds later the guy exited as well.

not exactly what a girl wants to see. it tends to make them uncomfortable when creepy men follow them around a store and then out of it as well. luckily i was already at the car and getting into it when he was coming out. he proceeded to look in my direction a couple of times before getting to his car, which i did get the license plate number by the way. he drove away and that was that. it was one of those familiar spirits i have had the unfortunate experience of running into before. the enemy sends out his little minions to go mess with people, and they unfortunately like what they do.

it just goes to show u that u can never be too careful and never let ur guard down completely. always be aware of what is going on in the natural as well as the supernatural. because if the enemy knows u focus on one more than the other, then he knows what to target.

i have been informed by my girlfriends tho, that i need to learn the evil eye better than i can do now. my experience has been tho, that if i acknowledge them in anyway, it only makes it worse. it is like an invitation to them for some reason. it was definitely one of the uncomfortable times of the day.

as for the rest of the day, we had a cookout to celebrate my sister's 28th birthday! it was very relaxed, so much so that she was sleeping when it started!!! a group of friends came over and we got into some really good talks. there is talk of my sis and i moving in the next few months now! i am really excited about that possibility. we'll have to see what the Lord wants. there are a lot of things going on and changing right now, and i am so thankful that the Lord is so faithful in so many ways. there is much more to write from today, but it is late. so here are some pics for a visual effect from tonight!

Message From My Father

Oh beloved, you cannot in this season look to the temporal. You dare not in this hour focus on those things that presently surround you. For even as it is in the circumstances of this Earth that seem at present so fruitless-and even as the branches in your life seem to be bare and without bud-surely I would tell you that all things around you and outside you, your finances, your work environment, your ministry, your Church situation-and child, even that which you call impossible, even that which no one knows or guesses nor could imagine...

I tell you, I am He who walks with you, I am He who is beside you in the midnight hour as much as in the light of the noonday sun. I am He who has seen and who has heard all that you have secretly within your heart and that which your heart has broken over. For I am the God of the secret places in your heart and I alone have seen the tears fall over that which no one guessed, not even those closest to you.

And when you had no strength to bear those secret things, so you found strenth in Me. And when you had no reason to carry on, you found meaning and reason in Me. And so beloved, this day I implore you-look up beyond this temporal life to that which is eternal-to that which shall be written in the great and marvellous Book of Life. And seek to be counted in the pages of this wonder. For surely on that great day when the Books are opened and My Father Himself would wipe every tear from your eye and the old order is passed away and all mourning is finished and My Kingdom is come in all its glory-on that day beloved-all that is built on the sands of temporal and earthly things shall be burned up even in a moment as a vapour. But that which you have done for Me, when you felt that you had no strength, shall be recorded. And that which you did for another-where there was no gain, but you did in My place on My behalf and in My Name-this shall be recorded.

All your tears weeping for a lost generation, all your prayers seen only in the secret place, all the wounds of battle within this presen Church age...the scars and the aching of heart and the souls that were saved for My sake...and My Gospel that you preached faithfully and unstintingly, even when you were bare and dry, yet you faithfully proclaimed...this shall be recorded.

And the poor that you helped and the bowed down that you raised up...and the men and women that you took time for and discipled...and the encouraging words you gave even when no one encouraged you...Oh yes My child, these are the things of your life that shall be written in the Book of Life.

i wait here

define the line
is that the question?
or is it when, and where
and in who's time?

for this moment
does not belong to me.
it belongs to my Father
and every moment to be.

i hold onto His hand
with everything i know,
doing nothing until
i have His say so.

as hard as it may be,
as confusing as it may appear,
my life is under His guidance
in His hands i wait here.

something so beautiful

so yesterday i was reading a blog post from one of my friends, that they wrote last fall. in so many ways, each time i have read it, i have gotten something new out of it. i am amazed at the enormity of truth it holds in so many different ways. when something is from the Lord, i don't think it's beauty or depth can ever be fully realized. i think we can carry it with us, and learn from it throughout our lives. something so beautiful makes you want to hold on to it for as long as possible. if that is against His will tho...oh how the beauty would fade to darkness.

failure

the only failure is failure to act...

if we are in obedience to His will,
it can never be failure.

all things work together for our good,
and His Glory.