you will ask Me nothing

one day we will ask Him nothing. how do i know that... He said so. "In that day you will ask Me nothing." that day will come when we are united with the Father in spirit. then and only then will be without questions. we will have the fullness of the resurrected life of Jesus exhibited within us, and we will come to a place of complete oneness with the purposes of God. I am definitely not there completely. I have a million and one questions of why running thru my head. yet i am ok with the many things that are hidden from my understanding. they will not stand between me and my Father. I will step in obedience, knowing that God will reveal things in accordance to His will and His timing. With faith and peace there can be no real questions anyway. For all things work together for our good and His glory. So we need not look for the explanation of things in our minds, but in our spirits. our flesh side is where the problems take place. until our human side is willing to submit in all things to the life of Jesus, things will remain unclear. we will have doubts and questions. we will crave peace where there is none. we will feel that distance between us and the Father. I am my Father's child...I will ask Him nothing of why or why not. I will trust that He knows how to parent me far better than I could imagine. I will do my best to be His obedient child, not questioning what I do not know yet.

I will submit to you my Father in all things. I will live my life for the rarest form of love.

cardboard boxes and fairy tales...

if we could build a dream house out of cardboard boxes, wouldn't we all be raiding the trash behind every establishment out there? we would build it up as high as we could. we would have additions built on, as many as we could. we would have everything to our specifications. our dreams and imaginations would be our guide.

if we could all have our fairy tale, we would write the most elaborate stories. of romance and adventure. of love and laughter. of life and times well spent. we would write of a path to a place in the clouds. where dreams have become reality. we would have the "happily ever after."

the problem with cardboard houses and fairy tales is...
they both can fall apart so easily.

the right storm comes, lightening strikes, and there is no trace of what once was.

i used to like the rain.

a result of the way God created me

IZZIE: "I'm a pretty girl."
RICHARD: "What?"
IZZIE: "I'm not being arrogant, it's just, it's just kind of a fact. For a long time I made a career from my looks, so I get it, I'm a pretty girl. And not in a 'from a certain angle' way, in an obvious way. It’s the blonde thing and the big boobs thing. Big boobs are a key to 'obvious pretty' if you know what I'm saying."
RICHARD: "Dr. Stevens-"
IZZIE: "It's how men see me. I'm not a smart girl or an interesting girl, I'm a pretty girl. The blonde and the boobs, it confuses guys into thinking I'm someone else. And I'm used to it. And I'm used to them walking away when they realize… But then Denny goes and asks me to marry him."

this is a quote from the last episode of grey's anatomy this past week. this says it all. it resonates so deeply with me. many of u who know me, know some of the crazy things that have happened over the years. i don't want those things to happen as a result of the way God created me. as for the rest of u who don't know me, the word crazy doesn't come close to defining some of the things that have happened. i don't say this to sound conceited. i would rather be plain and happy forever, than pretty and receive some of the treatment i have received.

like izzie, "i get it. it's how men see me." last week i was out on friday night, and realized even more how this affects the people around me as well as it does me. why do guys feel free to vocalize so loudly at times, whatever catcall or line they want to say? girls don't truly want the guys that only see the outside. they want the guy that sees who they are. the one that sees their heart. the one that knows the real u and draws even more of u out. the one that they know would be there no matter what they looked like. they want the guy that fights every physical temptation that their body brings to mind and chooses to protect their purity and the way God created them. they want the guy that loves them so much that they would do anything or be willing not to do something to keep the girl's whole self protected. to show them that they are truly loved for who they are and that that means more to them than anything else. unfortunately this is not the normal way of society these days.

when we walk around this world, knowing how others see us, and being unable to do much to alter that, we learn to develop a shield to protect ourselves. what we sometimes forget is that it affects others around us. sometimes it affects the ones that we love and changes them and how they feel about themselves. that feeling is very hard to carry. it is one thing to understand things in this world are out of our control. yet, when something happens as a direct result of us, we feel responsibility for it much of the time. as one of those i love stated in conversation about this topic..."and i have to live with her. how do u think i feel?" to think that someone i love so dearly, would compare herself in anyway to me aches my heart. especially when there is so much in that person that i aspire to cultivate in myself. her beauty astounds me sometimes. to think that my physical beauty causes her any negative emotion at all saddens me greatly.

i long to be truly seen for who i am not what i look like. i want to be known. i want the things that really make me to be desired more than any outward apperance. when i am described by someone, i want it to be everything about my character. when i am gone i want to leave a legacy not a picture of a pretty face. when i am remembered i want the stories to be about the truth of who i am and about who made me. and i want that to be a result of the way God created me.

Transformation

so many times we find ourselves standing in the way.
in the way of what we want.
in the way of what God wants us to do.
in the way of the blessings this journey has for us.

we put ourselves there because of habit.
because of fear.
because it is easier.
because it seems safer.

i wonder if we knew what it would be like
if we let God always have complete control.
if we chose what is right over what is comfortable.
if we chose freedom over bondage.

"take my heart and transform it.
take my life and conform it.
to Yours, to Yours."

all that i am Lord...
it is all for You.
i choose freedom.
i choose life.

~the broken road~

the broken road

sometimes our lives take an unxpected turn in a direction we never could've planned. we forge ahead in what has been laid before us. climbing each hill, one step at a time. it never seems as if it is unable to be accomplished. it is our path. our journey. sometimes it is the last thing we ever expected, and yet it is so much more than we ever could've planned.

so we realize that our fairy tale might not look like everyone else's. that our rose colored glasses are just a shade different than we thought they would be. that the end of the rainbow holds something different for everyone. and that the promise that rainbow represents is that our life will be the one designed just for us.

so why is it, when it comes to other people in our lives, we still want them to have the happily ever after, the rosiest of glasses, and the pot of gold! we care about them so much that we want them to have the ideal. and yet again, our idea of what that is, is not necessarily what God has intended for them. could it be perhaps that our story, our shade, and our treasure is exactly what the Lord had intended to be their happily ever after? could it be that our "broken road" pointed straight to them?